A hit list and a wish list: who deserves celiac disease?

People I wish had celiac disease:

  • Hitler: Obviously.
  • Stalin: Also obvious.
  • Saddam Hussein: You get the point.
  • J.K. Rowling*: Because she’d write an instantly best-selling inspirational children’s book series about overcoming celiac disease through the magic of love and friendship. And she’d totally want me for a coauthor.
  • Ancient Buddhist monks*: Because then they would not have invented seitan, and I would not have to feel sad I can’t eat it.
  • Cookie monster with fruitUS Farm Bill writers*: Because they would stop subsidizing wheat. (And produce more…corn? Hang on a second.)
  • The Cookie Monster: Because it’d be great for awareness.
  • Lady Gaga*: Because she flirts with G-free already, and any way I can be more like Lady Gaga sounds good to me.

People I’m glad don’t have celiac disease:

  • My mom: Because recipe reformulation or not, I’d hate to see her lose her Twizzlers.
  • My brother: Because I’m not sure what he’d do without pizzapastasandwiches.
  • The rest of my family: Well, assuming it’s true, that is. GET TESTED.
  • Most children: Everyone should have at least 20 years of animal-cracker-gumming, Triscuit-crunching, beer-chugging bliss (sorry, I meant 21 years). If they get it later…well…we all have our cross to bear.*
  • BooksBooks_How_To_Cook_Everything-S&SMark Bittman: Because socca seems even cooler when its chief proponent isn’t forced to eat chickpea flour. And because there’s just not as much of a ring to How to Cook Everything Except Wheat, Rye, Barley, and Anything That Might Have Ever Touched One of Those Things.
  • 132 out of 133 people: Good for them.

People I wish did not have celiac disease:

  • Me: Because it sucks.
  • My sister: Because she misses beer, and I feel responsible.
  • You: Because you’re awesome, and it’s not. I hope you would still read my blog, though.

People I’m glad have celiac disease:

  • No one.

*I don’t really wish celiac disease on anyone besides the evil dudes. And the Cookie Monster, because he’s fictional and it would be hilarious.

Who’s on your lists? I know you’ve got ’em.

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15 thoughts on “A hit list and a wish list: who deserves celiac disease?

  1. Casey says:

    I absolutely love this! I talked about celiac disease in a similar light in my Slumberparty post, talking about how blind it is to the people it strikes. For me, I wish my mom had celiac disease because she has fibromyalgia, and CD at least gives her a chance of feeling better with a gluten free diet. I’m super glad that my little sister doesn’t have it, though, since I don’t want her having to deal with what I am. Great post!

    • Molly says:

      Good point that between an incurable syndrome and a curable disease, it’s a whole lot nicer to have the latter. Don’t even get me started on “IBS”…topic for another post.

  2. Love your list – and it’s so true! Fab post.

  3. badnicolez says:

    All the chefs on the Food Network so they’d make everything gluten-free.

  4. Laurie C says:

    Maybe a celiac epidemic striking medical researchers would speed up understanding how to prevent and/or cure the disease. And throw in a few of my personal sworn enemies for good measure!

    • Molly says:

      I have a hard time imagining you having sworn enemies! Some celiac-ridden folks on whatever committee decides on funding for medical research would be nice, too.

  5. Love the list and totally agree! I wouldn’t mind adding a couple senators and folks at the FDA to the list!

  6. thepatientceliac says:

    While I wish this terrible condition on no one, I have occasionally wished that people I know could develop it temporarily so that they’d better understand what it feels like to have it!

  7. Molly says:

    Michelle and Jess, totally agree. Empathy comes so much easier when you’ve actually experienced someone’s hardship (and useful action and support come much easier once empathy—or self interest—gets involved!).

  8. mellieann85 says:

    I wish cookie monster did too!! because when he shoves his face with all those cookies I’m immediately tempted but if he was GF it would be awesome!! lol plus then the kids would be educated. perhaps they can make a second cookie monster in a different color??

  9. rachelmeeks says:

    I think it’s sad enough that cookie monster has to eat veggies instead. I’m kind of offended that he’s on your list. He’s the COOKIE monster!

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