Tag Archives: Lady Gaga

A hit list and a wish list: who deserves celiac disease?

People I wish had celiac disease:

  • Hitler: Obviously.
  • Stalin: Also obvious.
  • Saddam Hussein: You get the point.
  • J.K. Rowling*: Because she’d write an instantly best-selling inspirational children’s book series about overcoming celiac disease through the magic of love and friendship. And she’d totally want me for a coauthor.
  • Ancient Buddhist monks*: Because then they would not have invented seitan, and I would not have to feel sad I can’t eat it.
  • Cookie monster with fruitUS Farm Bill writers*: Because they would stop subsidizing wheat. (And produce more…corn? Hang on a second.)
  • The Cookie Monster: Because it’d be great for awareness.
  • Lady Gaga*: Because she flirts with G-free already, and any way I can be more like Lady Gaga sounds good to me.

People I’m glad don’t have celiac disease:

  • My mom: Because recipe reformulation or not, I’d hate to see her lose her Twizzlers.
  • My brother: Because I’m not sure what he’d do without pizzapastasandwiches.
  • The rest of my family: Well, assuming it’s true, that is. GET TESTED.
  • Most children: Everyone should have at least 20 years of animal-cracker-gumming, Triscuit-crunching, beer-chugging bliss (sorry, I meant 21 years). If they get it later…well…we all have our cross to bear.*
  • BooksBooks_How_To_Cook_Everything-S&SMark Bittman: Because socca seems even cooler when its chief proponent isn’t forced to eat chickpea flour. And because there’s just not as much of a ring to How to Cook Everything Except Wheat, Rye, Barley, and Anything That Might Have Ever Touched One of Those Things.
  • 132 out of 133 people: Good for them.

People I wish did not have celiac disease:

  • Me: Because it sucks.
  • My sister: Because she misses beer, and I feel responsible.
  • You: Because you’re awesome, and it’s not. I hope you would still read my blog, though.

People I’m glad have celiac disease:

  • No one.

*I don’t really wish celiac disease on anyone besides the evil dudes. And the Cookie Monster, because he’s fictional and it would be hilarious.

Who’s on your lists? I know you’ve got ’em.

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