Based on a Sprue Story

Photo © Duncan Hull | Flickr

Springtime is officially here, as is the month of the bull. If you’re an Aries who missed out on my first post, check it out and let me know if your horoscope came true (pssst, it probably didn’t, because I never heard anything about that new neighborhood restaurant—luckily I’m moving back to Manhattan this summer, where I’ll be surrounded with gluten-free bakeries). Sad to say, although the world may revolve around you, this post isn’t about you Aries folks! Moving right along, as the seasons and the stars inevitably do, this month’s Gluten-Free Astrology is all about Taurus.

Taurus begins today, April 20th, and extends through May 20th. It is a sign near and dear to my heart, as my May 23rd bday puts me right on the cusp. But who cares what I think? Let’s move on to the objective stuff!

The Gluten-Free Taurus is ruled by the planet Venus, named for the goddess of beauty, the arts, and pleasure. This means that as a GF Taurus, you’re into luxury, money, and property, but, because you tend to appreciate permanence and stability, you aren’t a spendthrift or a gambler. You may be a regular at a restaurant with a nice gluten-free menu you trust 100 percent, and you likely stick to tried and true gluten-free foods rather than leaping to try every new product that hits the market (maybe you haven’t even tried Udi’s gluten-free flour tortillas yet—if so, I’m with you, still savoring the memory of my last ever white-flour quesadilla and sticking to the corn kind for now).

You are placid but intimidating; your friends know they can depend on you, but woe betide any who provoke your bullish temper by suggesting you’re taking your gluten-free diet a little too seriously or trying to force you to eat gluten. Though you rarely succumb to anger, even your well-known patience and stability have their limits. This month, expect something or someone to threaten your sense of internal order and security—perhaps that restaurant you love will change their menu. Resist the urge to charge! After all, you’re happiest at home anyway. Quiet your offended turmoil by hosting a get-together for your loved ones and indulging your love of luxury by playing host to a fantastic dinner party. Don’t forget to invite me!

I’d be pleased to get an invite to any gathering you hosted, because it’s sure to be luxe. Also, although those who don’t know better may consider you stolid and plodding, your close friends know that underneath your responsible exterior is a romantic dreamer who loves beauty and art—Venus, remember? This month, find time to indulge your artistic sensibility (perhaps by cooking something incredible for that dinner party, or writing poetic comments on other people’s blogs). And try to share it a little! You tend to keep your passion projects secret, which only increases others’ false impression that you’re a bit boring. Use those hidden stores of energy for something that you truly care about, and if you must go about it slowly and painstakingly, well, that’s to be expected.

The body part ruled by GF Taurus is the neck and throat, so this month watch out for colds. Getting a cold in the springtime is the worst. You may also struggle with thyroid issues, not because they are commonly associated with celiac disease but because you’re a Taurus. Keep that throat healthy and find a little time to join the birds in song—your sensuous artistic side often manifests in a beautiful singing voice (my Taurean dad, born May 13th, is a great example).

Finally, not that you care much about such things, here are a few famous Taurus folks (besides my dad) to be aware of:

Thom Hartmann	Thom Hartmann is a Taurus and a lunchtime regular at a gluten-free fish-fry joint, according to Triumph Dining. Whether or not you agree with his politics, you can’t deny that hosting a radio show is a pretty great way to exercise his Taurean mellifluous speaking voice and dogmatism.
Sigmund Freud	Sigmund Freud is another famous Taurus. Oral and anal fixations aside, there’s no evidence that he had issues with any kind of food, including gluten. But…so?

As a GF Taurus, your reliable taste and artistic opinion are always welcomed. So if you’re a Taurus, please let me know your thoughts in the comments! How do you plan to indulge your love of beauty, art, collectibles, and luxury this month?

Not a Taurus? What’s your sign, baby?

The “information,” such as it is, in this post has been largely ripped off from The Only Astrology Book You’ll Ever Need, by Joanna Martine Woolfolk, which is in fact the only astrology book you’ll ever need (need here being a relative term).