Based on a Sprue Story

I’m gliadin! Who are you?
Are you — a gluten protein — too?
Then there’s a pair of us!
Don’t tell! she’d banish us, you know.

How dreary to be gluten-free!
To crumble — go stale — sog —
And be discussed — the livelong day —
On everybody’s blog.

A little analysis:

1) I hope that Emily was not gluten-intolerant, because she was really into bread. I mean really.

2) The more accepted last line of the first stanza is apparently “Don’t tell! they’d advertise—you know!” This actually makes more sense with the rest of the poem and with what we know of Emily Dickinson’s personality. That we cling to the banish line just goes to show how froglike we are.

3) Agoraphobia is not simply a fear of public places (in which case everyone with celiac disease would probably have it—at least, public places where food is served). It’s a particular kind of panic disorder, and it’s not one of the almost 300 symptoms and conditions associated with celiac disease. However, it develops on average around age 25, so there’s still time for me.