Because nothing says Happy Valentine’s Day like a flowchart

Today’s post was going to be an OkCupid profile for gluten, since, as you may recall, we broke up last weekend. Unfortunately, gluten’s not ready to move on, still hanging around trying to wheedle his way back into my good graces—refusing to pick up his tTG collection, sending me flours. I’ve told him and told him, but he’s a sticky little protein composite. Maybe by next Valentine’s he’ll have cleared out for good.

In the meantime, to keep my resolve strong, I thought I’d remind myself of my other options. The world is just full of prospective dates, after all. And sure, needing to date someone who maintains a strict GF diet (or at least waits four hours, eats something else that’s gluten-free, then brushes his teeth before kissing me, just to be safe) narrows the pool to something more like a rivulet, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have options. I just have to find someone who likes me. Simple. Oh, and he has to meet a standard or two, but that’s reasonable enough, right?

flowchart begin

Click to start down the warped and twisted way to my little celiac heart.

The fact that I spend my off-work hours making things like this—rather than, oh, I don’t know, dating—may be a minor contributor to my being single this Valentine’s Day. But anyone I ever date will have to like me as I am, flowcharts and all. Plus be funny. And well-read. And employed. I also realized I finished the chart without ever adding vegetarian. Factor that in somewhere between cute and Boggle. Me, picky?

So, enjoy. Happy Valentine’s Day to you, my family, my friends, my new blogosphere buds, and yes, even you, gliadin and glutenin. As for you, avenin? Jury’s still out.

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7 thoughts on “Because nothing says Happy Valentine’s Day like a flowchart

  1. Glad to see you put “does my family like him” before “do my friends like him”, but maybe “Do I like him” should come a little earlier in the flow ? Just sayin’.

    Happy Valentine’s Day Molly. Even if it is only from your dad 😉

  2. OK, I found your blog from a link on AT, and just wanted to tell you that you’re not the only one! I’m a gluten-free vegetarian, and it hasn’t been easy. Been vegetarian for about 3 & 1/2 yrs, and gluten free for a year.

    My boyfriend is also a vegetarian, but he is not gluten-free. I have a hard time expecting him to give up gluten while being vegetarian, since I know how nearly impossible it is to have any semblance of a life whilst you spend so much of it preparing meals, and even grocery shopping. 😦

    Conundrum: last week I realized I’ve developed a protein deficiency, since my hair has started to fall out (more than is normal: I’ve noticed thinning spots in my usually insanely thick hair), and I’ve got other symptoms of it like unexplainable weight loss, sore muscles, etc. So, be careful about getting all of your nutrients!

    I wish you the best of luck with your future in GF dating! 🙂
    Happy Valentine’s Day.

    • Molly says:

      Hey, Angèle, thanks for the comment and the advice. Good luck tackling this protein deficiency; how unfair to have to deal with that on top of other stuff! I’ve been eating lots of lentils and canned beans so far because they’re so easy and I haven’t really gotten my cooking mojo back yet. At least it’s a start toward complete nutrition!

      Do you and your boyfriend have trouble eating together or have you made it work?

  3. […] likely was I to find another man who fulfilled all of my criteria? D was gluten-free, male, and even vegetarian. Wouldn’t it be prudent to hold onto him? Three […]

  4. […] fooled a few people on April 1st, got romantic on Valentine’s Day, and drew pictures on Celiac Awareness Day. I shared a cooking mishap or two, plus a success here […]

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