You were all super supportive when I announced I was giving up coffee. Thank you.
Buoyed by that support, I made it all the way from May 12th to June 23rd: 6 weeks total. I was coffee-free for my birthday; my sister’s graduation; my move from my former apartment to my June sublet; many, many, many workdays; a few weekend nights later than I thought would be possible without caffeine…
And then I caved. One tiny espresso one day, a small midafternoon iced coffee the next, a large midafternoon iced coffee the next, and now here I am, up to two large iceds a day.
Since you’ve been by my side since the start of this grave undertaking, I felt I owed you an explanation for my failure to continue. So here goes.
Why I’m back on coffee:
1. Because each cup is worth an hour of sleep.
2. Because it’s gluten-free.
a. And I’ve sacrificed enough.
3. Because it’s too hot not to drink iced coffee.
4. Because it’s good for the brain*.
a. And the heart.
i. And the liver.
A. And the gallbladder.
5. Because it prevents diabetes.
a. And cancer.
i. And depression.
A. And cavities.
6. And I can use all the help I can get.
7. Because I have a desk job, where not only is it okay if I get up to pee every 25 minutes, but it’s actually a welcome stretch break.
8. Because it’s cheap.
a. Except when I buy it from Birch.
i. And in that case it’s worth every penny.
9. Because it smells good.
a. And tastes good.
i. And makes me look good (black coffee—so cool).
10. Because espresso cups are adorable.
11. Because it’s referenced in my OkCupid profile, which I’m too lazy to change.
a. Because the reference makes coffee sound like such an integral part of my life that it’s awkward to explain I’m actually not drinking it right now.
i. Because coffee is an integral part of my life.
12. Because, turns out, coffee isn’t bad for (my) digestion.
13. Because it makes me think faster.
a. And type faster.
i. And speak faster.
A. And, potentially, live longer.
14. Because it’s better than aspirin.
15. Because I’m not drinking alcohol right now either, and meeting people for a cup of water was getting old.
16. Because the experiment also got old.
17. Because cross-reactivity is bogus.
18. Because it’s a valid form of self-care.
19. Because everyone else is doing it.
20. Because it (sort of) supports the livelihood of one hundred million people worldwide.
21. Because I don’t have to drink so much to feel effects anymore.
22. Because I reassured myself I could live without it.
23. Because I missed it anyway.
24. Because I wanna.
25. Because I can.
Why I’m not back on Diet Coke:
Thanks again for your support! Anyone else give up (or take back) anything good lately?