Gluten-Free Astrology: Aries (born March 21 – April 19)

Photo © Jason Hill | Flickr

Photo © Jason Hill | Flickr

Yesterday was the first day of spring, and I totally missed out on marking it. Whoops! To demonstrate my awareness of the passing seasons, particularly at this time of new beginnings, I’m introducing a new monthly feature. That’s right, I’ve decided I’ve been at this Blogging Thing long enough to start having Features. I hope that you’ll find this only as presumptuous as unnecessary capital letters, and not more.

Now, for the preamble: there’s a hypothesis that celiac disease may be more common in those with spring and summer birthdays—especially spring. Yup, April baby showers bring May rice flour. The increased prevalence, so the hypothesis goes, has to do with the time of weaning (and, therefore, first gluten exposure) coinciding with the season of viral infections, which play a role in the development of some autoimmune diseases. For me, this brings a whole new meaning to family planning. If I’m ever in a position to conceive a child, I’ll be sure to do it in the spring. Or raise my child in a bubble, which just might be possible by the time I’m in a position to conceive a child.

But I digress. My point is, date of birth is a important piece of the celiac puzzle. And since we don’t know much of anything at all about non-celiac gluten-sensitivity, I’m happy enough to lump everyone in to the hypothesis and my New Feature. It’s called Gluten-Free Astrology and it will explain what else your date of birth means for your gluten-free status.

Photo © Manuel M. Almeida | Flickr

Aries’s symbol is the ram
Photo © Manuel M. Almeida | Flickr

Aries begins today, March 21st, and extends through April 19th. If your birthday falls in that span, here are my thoughts on what you can expect from the month ahead. (And by “my thoughts,” I of course mean “eternal and incontrovertible message from the stars.”)

The Gluten-Free Aries is ruled by the planet Mars, named for the god of war, aggression, and conflict. As a GF Aries, you likely have a conflicting relationship with your gluten-free diet and often argue with your doctors or yourself and lash out against others who question it.

You are a “me-first” type who should follow your natural impulse this month to put your gluten-free needs front and center in every encounter, whether it be at a friend’s home or at a restaurant, thereby increasing awareness for the rest of us. We will hope that a GF Libra, your polar opposite, comes along shortly thereafter to soothe any hurt feelings you may have caused, thereby increasing good will toward the rest of us.

However, this month you should also strive to overcome your innate tendency to be self-centered. One good way to do this, I’ve heard, is to comment on other people’s blogs, such as mine.

GF Aries stands for new beginningsoptimism, and change. This month, be open to new activities, friends, and channels for your boundless energy. You may find your life takes an unexpected direction (or you may not—this is astrology, after all). Perhaps your inborn desire to take the reins will encourage you to finally open your own business, and if so, I hope that it will be a gluten-free restaurant around the corner from my apartment.

Because of your extravagance, you may find yourself in debt this month of tax-paying, particularly if you’ve been pouring your extra money into that gluten-free restaurant. You’re a creative type who will always find your way out of such a bind, though, so please don’t let that stand in the way of your dreams. (Thai would be nice, or Mexican—hold the flour tortillas.)

The body part ruled by GF Aries is the head, so this month watch for migraines and facial injuries that may signal the start of a renewed battle with gluten.

And, if you’re interested in such things:

Maya Angelou

Maya Angelou

A fellow celebrity with the sun in Aries is Maya Angelou. Though she has no trouble at all with gluten, so far as I’m aware, she’s still a great lady (and I turned up this great post about her from last year on Celiac and Allergy Adventures).

Russell Crowe

Russell Crowe

Russell Crowe is another celeb who apparently does fancy himself a GF Aries—though I think he did it to lose weight, and we all know that man does not lose by gluten-free bread alone. (Plus, the paparazzi caught him carrying a pizza—no, Russ, “thin crust” does not mean gluten-free.) Hey, no one ever said celebrities have to be good role models. (On that note, Hugh Hefner is also an Aries.)

As a GF Aries, you lack patience and therefore have probably not bothered to read to the end of this post. That’s okay, as long as you hit the part about the new restaurant you’re opening for me this month. Just let me know when you’re open—I may be a flighty GF Gemini, but I am committed to bringing my spring-birthday-and-therefore-celiac-having self in once you’ve got it together.

The “information,” such as it is, in this post has been largely ripped off from The Only Astrology Book You’ll Ever Need, by Joanna Martine Woolfolk, which is in fact the only astrology book you’ll ever need (need here being a relative term).

Let me know what you think of my New Feature, and what your sign is so I can get started consulting the stars about your destiny. 

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24 thoughts on “Gluten-Free Astrology: Aries (born March 21 – April 19)

  1. Amanda says:

    Thin crust pizzas aren’t gluten-free? I’ve totally been doing this wrong! Love the new feature. I’m an Aquarius … what’s your sign? ;)

    • Molly says:

      Gemini, the twins! As a flighty type who likes to flit from one thing to another, I will always struggle with the gluten-free “for life” prescription. Luckily we are also happy-go-lucky, rather than prone to depression like our Piscean friends, so I should be okay.

  2. Anthony says:

    Aww, does this mean Pisces is going to be last? :(

  3. GF, self centered, impatient Aries here. HYSTERICAL.

  4. Laurie C says:

    Funny post! Looking forward to monthly feature. The GF restaurant sounds great and so convenient to your apartment! Your astrological forecasts are probably as accurate as anyone’s, so it could happen…

  5. [...] month, along with my Aries friends, I’ll do my best to live up to my good fortune and accomplish a potential urge or two. [...]

  6. Very interesting concept about Spring babies and Coeliac disease. I too am an Aries GF but because I live at the bottom of the world and our seasons are different from the rest of the world, it makes me an Autumn baby.
    Great post and Aries people are the best.

  7. Gina says:

    Capricorn. I was thinking “born in winter so that doesn’t work” but then realized I was on formula almost immediately despite mom’s best efforts. Not that formula was bad but not breastfeeding increases baby’s risk of respiratory and gastro problems. Which definitely applies to me. I was genetically susceptible anyway of course. :)

    Cool post!

    • Molly says:

      There are so many factors, definitely. It’d be too simple if it really were as easy as “be careful when you have your baby”—not that that’s all that easy, either, of course.

  8. My daughter was born in the spring! I never heard of that connection before, so weird. Poor kid, it’s totally my fault. Ha.

  9. [...] here, as is the month of the bull. If you’re an Aries who missed out on my first post, check it out and let me know if your horoscope came true (pssst, it probably didn’t, because I never heard [...]

  10. […] to rebel against the inevitable or go hunting for reasons why you can’t eat gluten (like birth month or breastfeeding…sorry again, Mom). But accepting it’s meant to be doesn’t stop you […]

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